There will be bad days…

I’m not afraid to admit that I struggle with depression.  Let me say this, it’s not easy…I am not medicated… I don’t go talk to anyone about my feelings…I just deal with it myself.  A few years ago, I would never have verbalized this…so I’ve come a long way. I’ve learned to steer myself away from the drastic, dark thoughts that once clouded my head, and now I’m able to admit when I’m having a bad day.  

A few days ago, I was having one of these bad days.  I texted my husband to tell him that I wasn’t feeling “myself,” just because I needed to tell someone.  I was on the verge of tears and mentally tearing myself apart….this is what happens to me on a bad day. I beat myself up with thoughts of unworthiness, self-doubt, and self-loathing.  I know it’s wrong, but sometimes it overwhelms me.

Without missing a beat, he sends me back this message:

Wish I was there to hug on you.

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Philippians 4:6-7  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

This meant more to me than he could ever imagine.  Just a few short years ago, this would never have happened. You see, my dear husband is a fixer.  Yes….a fixer. When a problem, complaint, or situation arises….he needs to fix it. I, on the other hand, don’t want it to be fixed (most of the time).  I’d say that 99% of the time I just want him to listen to me….just listen, and let me process the issue out loud. So the fact that he was just listening and guiding me back to God for reassurance was huge!  This simple act of love was able to help me listen to God, by way of my gentle husband. Through his obedience to God to lead me in the way that he should, I was able to be obedient to God by giving my worry, my anxiety, my burdens back to Him.

I sat for a quiet moment and read and re-read the scriptures, then I prayed.  I prayed that God would take away these ugly feelings and I thanked Him for providing a godly husband to lead me and our children. I am so truly blessed to have this relationship.

This is us…